Restating my san culpa:
I will
I will
work out
every
single
day
this month
of March!
Minimum of 15 minutes.
I will
lose the last
6 pounds
hanging on
from babies
and meds
this month
of March!
I will
make healthy
food choices
every
single
day
this month
of March!
 |
| today's lunch |
I will
stop worrying
about someone else's
choices
beginning
today.
Because this
(below)
struck
a chord with me
this morning
when I read it.
And
because
their happiness,
or yearning,
or choices,
are not
about me.
Yesterday this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert caught my attention: "But never use another person's body or emotions as a scrathing post for your own unfufilled yearnings." It reminded me of my affection for a particular aspect of Immanuel Kant's ethics- that we never treat ourselves or another as mere means to some sought after end.
And I wonder. . . is this not what creates dissonance & discord in our relationships (or at least robs them of their joy & depth)- when we treat ourselves as a "mere means" to the end of being seen & loved (& so shape our behaviour to our best guess of that the other wants- often unconsciously & inaccurately) - when we slide into failing to see the other as both another myself AND wholly other (& so a mystery to us on many levels, someone with their own experience & journey, different from my own.)
And when we lose that sense of the other as an end in themselves- particularly if we share the daily tasks- it's a short trip to beginning to see & treat the other as a mere (efficient or inefficient) means to the ends of keeping house, home, family, life and limb together. Of course, we help each other, are interdependent. If you give me a ride you are the means of my transportation. But Kant's warning is to take care not to treat ourselves or another as a "mere means"- not to lose sight of how each individual is an end within him/herself, unfolding, journeying, struggling, creating. . . .As Gilbert's quote implies, we need to tend our own unfulfilled yearnings.
And I wonder. . . is this not what creates dissonance & discord in our relationships (or at least robs them of their joy & depth)- when we treat ourselves as a "mere means" to the end of being seen & loved (& so shape our behaviour to our best guess of that the other wants- often unconsciously & inaccurately) - when we slide into failing to see the other as both another myself AND wholly other (& so a mystery to us on many levels, someone with their own experience & journey, different from my own.)
And when we lose that sense of the other as an end in themselves- particularly if we share the daily tasks- it's a short trip to beginning to see & treat the other as a mere (efficient or inefficient) means to the ends of keeping house, home, family, life and limb together. Of course, we help each other, are interdependent. If you give me a ride you are the means of my transportation. But Kant's warning is to take care not to treat ourselves or another as a "mere means"- not to lose sight of how each individual is an end within him/herself, unfolding, journeying, struggling, creating. . . .As Gilbert's quote implies, we need to tend our own unfulfilled yearnings.
I started this fitness blog
a year ago today!
I had just accepted a new job.
Changes were ahead of me.
Unforseen announcements hit me midsummer,
as evidenced in the weight going back up
(because I'm an emotional eater).
But I'm back on track.
I've come a long way, baby.
And there's no turning back!
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